


An Eerie Sort of Silence

by Tonks22



Series: Tony Stark Flash Bingo Fills [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Forgiveness, Hurt Tony Stark, Tony Stark Bingo 2020, Tony Stark Flash Bingo, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, life is a bitch to Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 01:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21627634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonks22/pseuds/Tonks22
Summary: When your soulmate is close, you hear their thoughts. When you find them, you get to choose whether or not to keep the mental link open. Tony had never heard words, but sometimes, he'd hear a buzz. When he finally heard actual words, he wished he hadn't.
Relationships: Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis, Howard Stark/Maria Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Series: Tony Stark Flash Bingo Fills [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1535846
Comments: 12
Kudos: 208
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Tony Stark Bingo 2020, Tony Stark Flash Bingo





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark Flash Bingo Fill
> 
> 002 - Bucky Barnes - WinterIron - Gen

Tony grew up hearing the story of how Anna and Jarvis met. He gave her his umbrella and had answered her thanks before she had said it out loud. Before their wedding, they decided to keep their soulmate link open between them and now communicated through it whenever they were apart.

Howard and Maria Stark met at one of his company’s functions. She had been hearing his voice the whole night, but could not figure out who he was. Howard, for his part, did not realize that he’d met his soulmate; there was too much to do and his thoughts overshadowed hers in his mind. Howard did not want to keep the link open once he figured it out; he did not want company secrets to be shared, even on accident, not even with his wife.

When Tony was seven and away at a boarding school for the first time, he began hearing a quiet hum in his mind. He knew that meant his soulmate was nearby but he couldn’t go and find them. He’d already been in trouble twice for sneaking out to the science lab. He’d find them the next morning.

When he woke up, however, the hum was gone. His mind was silent once again.

He heard it again when he was 17, but between the drinks and the grief, he did not recognize it for what it was.

Tony became an expert at ignoring the buzz that would sometimes invade his mind. And if he drank himself stupid those days, well… who could blame him? His soulmate had to know he was close, and if they had not approached him, it meant he wasn’t wanted. No matter, he did not need a soulmate. He was used to not being wanted.

After Afghanistan, Tony could count on one hand the number of times he’d heard the hum, and he’d have fingers left to spare. He began thinking it wasn’t actually his soulmate but something different. It would make sense, he had never heard words, he had never felt thoughts. Just a buzz, a hum, an eerie sort of loud silence.

The next time he heard it, Tony was in the middle of fighting the Winter Soldier and he could not spare more than a flitting thought to the sound. It wasn’t until Siberia that he realized the cruelty of fate; he turned to look at his soulmate and all he could hear from him were the words “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry.”

That day, Tony was angry; Tony was hurt; Tony wanted the silence of his mind back. He hated the words, he hated the world, he hated soulmates.

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers! Did you know?!”

“Yes.”

Tony walked away. If he stayed, he would kill Rogers and ~~his soulmate~~ Barnes. He could hear words now, and he wished he didn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony thinks, hurts and makes a decision. 
> 
> Tony Stark Flash Bingo
> 
> 010 - Anger - Gen

Anger. Anger. Anger.

Tony was angry - angry at the world, at himself, at Barnes, at Rogers. He was angry at Jarvis and Anna for making him think that having a soulmate was the ultimate dream come true. He was angry at his parents for never showing enough of their true relationship to make him realize having a soulmate wasn’t the gift he thought it was.

He was angry at Stane and the Ten Rings for forcing him into becoming Iron Man - he didn’t regret being Iron Man; it was the only worthwhile thing he’d done in his sad excuse for a life, but that didn't mean it hadn't been a forced decision.

There was so much anger inside of him and that just made him angrier.

He’d fought his inner demons for so long and he’d almost defeated them. And look at that, all that progress was about to go down the drain. There he was, sitting at the bar in his workshop. A bar that hadn’t been used in months, glass in hand, amber liquid swirling and tempting him with its subtle grassy smell. Mouth watering, he set the glass down and stared at it without really seeing it.

He was angry that his first thought after grabbing the bottle was to call Rogers. It’s what he’d have done a few weeks ago. After a rocky start, Rogers managed to worm his way into Tony’s life and somehow grounded him in those dark moments. Rogers made him forget the need for the burn in his throat. Tony had thought Rogers was his best friend. He thought back on the nights spent calming each other down after nightmares plagued their sleep. He thought of afternoons spent in each other’s company down in the workshop, the silence never uncomfortable.

He thought of the early morning when he talked to Rogers about his childhood, and the night when he thought he’d been able to hear his soulmate. He shared how the thought of leaving his soulmate behind had kept him going during his captivity in Afghanistan, even while thinking his soulmate may not have wanted him.

Tony thought of the day he finally admitted to himself, and to Rogers, that he might be an alcoholic; that had been a difficult conversation. Had Rogers known that his parents' death was not an accident? Had he already been lying to Tony? Was their whole friendship built on a lie? A lie by omission was still a lie after all.

And just like that, the anger turned into a sadness and loneliness and hopelessness that threatened to swallow him whole.

He felt so alone, and while he knew he could call Pepper or Rhodey, Tony was self-aware enough to know they were not who he wanted or needed at that moment.

There had been no thoughts other than his own for the past few days, and part of him is thankful for the reprieve. He didn't know what he’d do if he had to hear one more apology. Another part of him, a part he couldn't quite squash down, wondered why there was silence in his head.

It hadn’t been hard to figure out that the months and years spent with only his thoughts were due to Barnes being in Cryo. Was he back there again? Was he captured? He couldn’t stop himself and wondered where Barnes was, what he was doing, and if he was ok.

Stupid Tony. Stupid Soulmates. Stupid Rogers.

“Proof that Tony Stark has a heart.” The gift Pepper gave him so long ago, mocking him from its perch reminded him why he hurt.

Tony got up from the stool he’d been occupying for the last few hours (days? Months?). But he left behind the glass he had been staring at. Still full.

He picked up The Phone, and pressed the call button before he could fully understand what he was doing.

“Explain it to me,” he said when he heard a hello on the other side. “Explain to me why you didn’t tell me.”

This would be a long, painful conversation, but Steve was almost a brother. Tony needed this, not just for himself, but for Steve too. They needed this conversation for closure, or to find out if the friendship could be salvaged.

 _Tony Stark has a heart_ indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony does what he thinks is right, not because he has to, but because he wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark Flash Bingo
> 
> 010 - Obligations - WinterIron - Gen

Things were still strained between Tony and Steve, but they were trying. Tony understood that Bucky was used by HYDRA to kill his parents, and he understood why Steve hid that from him. If he was completely honest, he’d probably have done something similar for Rhodey.

Steve had said time and time again, that when Tony needed him, he’d be there. Tony believed him. He just hoped to be ready to see him when the time came; he missed his friend, but he also knew that seeing Steve would also mean seeing Bucky, and he was not sure he’d ever be ready for that.

Bucky had been in cryo for months while Tony and Shuri worked together to get rid of the trigger words and the programming. Yes, Bucky may have been a tool used by HYDRA but Tony was not completely heartless - he wanted him to be OK. He knew that defrosting Bucky would also mean having someone else back in his head, and it would not be like before - just a soft buzz; it would be words and thoughts and feelings. He was not ready. But he had to be.

“Will you be alright?” Steve asked him the day before they were due to wake Bucky.

Tony knew Steve was worried about both of his friends and he didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell Steve he had been on the verge of a panic attack for days. He couldn't tell Steve he hadn’t been able to concentrate on his suit upgrades, or eat or sleep.

“I’ll be fine Cap,” he said instead. He was on a quintjet on is way to Wakanda to show Shuri how to install the arm he built for Bucky. “I should be there in a couple of hours. Peter can’t wait to meet the princess,” he said in a feeble attempt to change the subject.

“Tony…” Steve started, and that was his _I know you're lying to me_ voice.

“Gotta go Steve. Can’t talk and fly at the same time!” He hung up the call and turned around to see Peter staring at him, a frown on his face. “Don’t look at me like that, kid, I know what I'm doing.”

“Sure thing, Mr Stark.”

When they finally arrived in Wakanda, Peter was't even fully out of the quintjet when Shuri ran in and grabbed him, talking a mile a minute about Peter’s webs and pulling him inside.

Steve was just standing there, staring up at Tony, a small smile on his face. He took one step, then another. Next thing Tony knew, he was being lifted off the floor by Steve. Tony held on to his friend, and for a moment, he didn't care that his feet were dangling and that he could barely breathe. He had missed Steve; he missed these hugs; he missed his friend.

“Put me down, you beast,” Tony said laughing.

A while later, Tony was showing Shuri some of the work he did on the arm when he notices the way Steve was looking at him.

“What’s going on Cap? You look weird there. Need me to sing the anthem to make you feel better?”

“Tony, thank you,” Steve said instead of taking the bait. “You didn’t have to do this for Bucky.”

“I know I didn’t. I’m not doing this out of any sense of obligation,” Tony ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not doing it just because he is my soulmate; I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do.”

Tony hoped no one caught what he said. _Just because he is his soulmate_. Being soulmates had nothing to do with what Tony had been doing lately. He just… He didn't need to explain himself.

When it was finally time to wake Bucky up, Tony decided to go on a walk. He was sitting by a small lake when he heard the first thought.

_It hurts._

The words made him flinch, but he tried to keep his mind blank.

_It hurts._

He felt his heart beating faster.

_They should have left me frozen._

He couldn't breathe.

_I should be dead._

He needed to do something.

So he ran back. He ran as fast as he could back to the palace. He didn't even have to think, he didn’t have to know where to go, he just had to follow the thoughts.

He ran as fast as he could and came to a stop after opening the door to the room where Steve, Shuri, T’Challa and Bucky were. He knew he had to be there, but now that he was there, he didn’t know why. He didn't know what to do.

So he looked at Bucky, and Bucky looked at him.

 _I’m sorry,_ they both thought at the same time.

 _I”m sorry you went through all that,_ Tony said.

 _You didn’t have to help me,_ he heard back.

_I know. I wanted to._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark Bingo  
> Title of Piece: An Eerie Sort of Silence - Chapter 4  
> Card Number: 3061  
> Author: Tonks  
> Squared Filled: T4 -GRRR Tony fixing Bucky’s arm  
> Ship/Main Pairing: WinterIron  
> Rating: Gen  
> Major Tags/Warnings: None  
> Summary: Bucky and Tony get closer, but in true Tony fashion, still haven’t really talked about their bond.  
> Word Count: 1104
> 
> Bucky Barnes Bingo  
> Title: An Eerie Sort of Silence - Chapter 4  
> Collaborators: Tonks  
> Square Filled: U1 - Bucky/Tony  
> Ship/Main Pairing: WinterIron  
> Rating: Gen  
> Major Tags/Triggers/Warnings: None  
> Summary: Bucky and Tony get closer, but in true Tony fashion, still haven’t talked about their bond.  
> World Count: 1104

Tony wore headphones all the time now. While his relationship with Steve was improving daily, his relationship (or lack of one) with James was more complicated. It’s not that he hated the guy, no. Tony understood that James (and his Winter Soldier persona) had been nothing more than tools used by Hydra.

He was pretty sure that he’d heard James humming along to AC/DC just the other night when he walked past the kitchen on his way to get more coffee. And if he decided to listen to some soothing jazz on the nights when Friday told him James couldn’t sleep, well, no one had to know, right?

And as much progress as they were making, that didn’t mean he wanted the guy in his head all the time. Or that he wanted to be in James’ head.

The only times he didn’t wear headphones was when training with the team, during battles or when working on James’ arm. The man did NOT communicate any pain levels to Tony, and Tony refused to be lumped in with the “still better than Hydra” group. If listening to James’ thoughts during maintenance helped with that, then he’d do it.

Speaking of, “Hey, Spotless Sunshine,” he greeted when James walked into the workshop.

 _This is amazing,_ Tony heard coming from James and answered that thought with a smile. If there was one thing he really, truly enjoyed from the link with his soulmate, it was the absolute wonder in James’ mind every time he walked into the workshop.

James seemed especially fond of the holoscreens. The first time he’d seen them, James’ mind had gone completely blank for a couple of seconds, which worried Tony, but then James had turned around and begun drinking in every inch of space in the workshop. _Blue, bright, future, lucky, don’t deserve it, amazing, soulmate._

Today’s session was to test out reaction times for the newest upgrade on the arm - which Shuri and Tony kept trying to improve. It was like a competition to see who could wow James more sometimes. Shuri added this, Tony added that, Shuri then improved what Tony had added, and Tony would offer to include some crazy option.

A few weeks back, they had talked about adding a fireworks option to the arm, Shuri was all for it, James had seemed worried about it, and Tony had just said, “I do like fireworks, but maybe not so close to my soulmate.”

And all three of them had ignored the silence that followed that statement.

They hadn’t really talked about their bond, and Tony knew that conversation was coming. It was inevitable; Steve and Rhodey had both approached Tony already and told him that something needed to be done and ignoring it would not make it go away. But Tony was an expert at just going with the flow and avoiding the hard conversations. Today, he’d talk about more upgrades for James’ arm.

“You sure you don’t want that laser pointer? Think of what you could do to T’challa.” Tony was rewarded with a small twitch of the lips. His goal was to make James smile one day, a real smile. Not whatever it was that Steve accepted as one.

He felt more than saw James wince at that thought. _Sorry, Winter Wonderland,_ he apologized without looking up. He needed to stop his brain sometimes. There was already a disconnect between his brain and his mouth which got him in trouble. Now even shutting his mouth didn’t help.

Tony went back to organizing the tools he’d need today while James took his usual seat on the couch (no way was he sitting James down on a chair).

“It’s nice,” James said quietly. He was looking at Tony and for a moment, Tony thought he was talking about the workshop.

“Your thoughts go everywhere around me, and sometimes they are nice. When they are about me. It helps. It helps me remember I’m not The Asset. Makes me feel more like Bucky.”

 _They’re not always nice; I got mad at you for drinking the last of my coffee yesterday._ “I’m pretty sure I called you a jackass.”

“You called me a jackass with a pretty face,” James said. _It was nice._ He shrugged.

It looked like today was gonna be one of _those_ days for them. They could go days without really talking about anything important. Thinking about the weather, and training exercises, or counting the number of steps they took as they walked around the tower. But there were days when they were a little more honest with each other, when they didn’t try to censor their thoughts.

Not enough to make Steve and Rhodey happy, but just enough honesty that Tony felt himself getting closer to James.

Today was shaping up to be one of those days.

“Well, you do have a pretty face,” Tony said, taking a seat next to James on the couch. It didn’t escape James’ attention that the tools were left on the table across the room. “Want to watch a movie? I’ve been wanting to watch Chaplin for a while.”

“Which one?” Not that it mattered, James liked all of Chaplin’s movies.

“Who would have thought you were a silent movie kinda guy, but no. I mean the movie about Chaplin.”

“Ok,” James tried to get more comfortable on the couch. _Want some popcorn? I can make us some_.

“I have some really good snacks on my floor,” _if you want to watch it up_ —-

“Ok,” James said, getting up from the couch quickly and then turning around before Tony could see his blush. That had been a quick answer, James hadn’t even let Tony finish his question. _Good job, Bucky, just what your soulmate needs, for you to be pushy._

“You know I can heeeeear you, right?” Tony, the ass, singsonged. “I can also see the blush on your neck,” he added and then laughed when he saw James’ neck turn an even deeper shade of red. He’d be worried for him if James wasn’t a super soldier; Tony was pretty sure a basehuman would not be able to survive that amount of blushing.

 _You’re being an ass, Tony,_ James turned around and his face was as red as his neck had been, but there was that small smile again.

 _But you love me,_ Tony said without thinking, his eyes widening when he realized what he’d thought.

 _Not yet, but I could,_ James replied.


End file.
